Well, I finally opened up my very own restaurant! Congrats to me! The place that I leased, had the name ‘Cafe’ painted on the front, so I figured what the hey, and named it that also. And talk about atmosphere! At The Cafe, you can find all sorts of tempting dishes, that I designed myself. Or, stop in for a quick beer and a shot. We don’t care. Just as long as you spend lots of money! Following are some menu examples…..
The Covid Platter – Who doesn’t want a meal that just keeps hanging in there? You know, like that pesky virus? The CP, contains a generous serving of whatever happens to be the catch of the day. And, right next to that hunk of critter that recently died, you’ll find a baked tuber along side a pile of green beans. Yum yum! – Only $6.99
WTF – You’ll most likely think ‘WTF’ when you first feast your eyes on a bowl of what appears to be some form of meat resting peacefully in a brownish liquid. And, there’s all sorts of green stuff floating around just to add some visual effects. For a side, there is a nice big slice of garlic bread! And viola, you’re all set! Also, be sure to ask for a glass of our generic beer ($1), just to help wash it all down. – Only $5.99
The Titanic meal – When the original Titanic went down, the guests on board ship ate a sumptuous (?) last meal, that consisted of leftovers from the night before! (And, that’s just what you’ll get when you choose to order our Titanic meal. It’ll be whatever the chef can find in the way of leftovers, way in the back of the cooler)! But, don’t you fret! He’ll also assure you that whatever it is he serves you, it’s still pretty darn edible! – Only $6.99
The Snapper – Succulent baby alligator and sea turtle meat, all floating serenely, in a red-hot salty brine! Um hmm! Your choice of baked beans or wilted kale for a side, completes a meal that will really grab you by your ass later on… like the next morning, for maybe just a few hours! – Only $9.99
My Calamari – Don’t miss out on the chance of a lifetime! Really impress your significant other, as to your culinary prowess, by selecting a large bowl of what is basically cut up squid! And this dish is only a buck. (We just want to watch you try and eat it… in front of loved ones).
Yes ladies and gents, that’s just a tiny sampling of the kind of innovative thinking that goes on in this here at The Cafe. And rest assured that all our meats only come from Meaty Bits™, a vendor whose motto is, ‘If it once bred, we can get it to you dead!
So come on down and grab a ‘meal-a-deal’, while it’s still fairly fresh at The Cafe! And yes, we do serve limited forms of alcohol, (just don’t mention that fact to the local authorities….). Also, please ignore that large orange sign by the Health Department, plastered on our front door. Why heck, we done fixed all them things a while back…