People who play with their food beware!


Anyone who has ever tweaked a recipe or added last minute ingredients, to a food that they plan to eat, can be considered players! Personally, I like to think of them as gourmets.

Personally, I’ve considered myself such an individual for much of my life. Truth be told, there is no recipe that I’ve ever attempted that was not changed in someway before it go to my table. Even the lowly all American wiener on a bun, has not escaped my diabolical maceration.

You’d think that when something works, that people such as myself would leave good enough alone. Ha! I retort with great feeling. I have actually come up with a few creations that I feel have advanced the concept of a piece of meat nested between a bun and slathered with mustard or ketchup to the next level! Take, for instance, the following unique along with some instructions…

The Boner

When constructing The Boner, one must first check to make sure that each ingredient is firm, yet soft to the touch. Old wieners and dried up buns need not apply for this effort… In addition, the discerning chef needs to pay close attention to the size of the wiener that is being employed. As everyone knows a diminutive ‘party wiener’ is going to literally swim around in your standard sized bun. Not a good end result. Likewise, I’m sure you all seen those giant ‘foot and a half’ long wieners that are so imposing that they will often tear up a standard bun rendering it all but useless useless. Best to stick with the standard 5” by 3/4” dog, as it will nicely fit in just about every bun out there.

The procedure: The chef must first locate a suitable surface on which to assemble everything. A cutting board that has been recently buffed would suffice quite nicely. Next, the chef needs to go to the fridge and select a premium all beef wiener that is firm, yet yielding, to the touch. A classic test of quality would be to hold the wiener by its base and gently wag it back and forth in front of your face. A wiener that droops excessively should be immediately discarded. If it does pass the ‘wag test’, the tube steak (as I like to refer to it) needs a ten minute bath in boiling water. This will make the wiener very hot to the touch, so exercise caution.

While your meat is being prepared, now is the time to find an appropriate ‘bun’ in which you will soon be inserting your ‘hot dog’. This is the time to time remember the condiment, as no one is going to like a dog that’s dry! A couple of pointers here; 1) get that bun warmed up by nuking it for 12 seconds or so and 2) make sure to apply the condiment deep into the crease of that bun to act as a tasty lubricant…

OK! You’ve done every thing right, but beware! DO NOT go and ram that dog into that bun with careless abandon, just because your hungry. Rather insert it slowly and with careful deliberation so as not to tear the fragile bun into many pieces. Oh sure bunko. You can still eat the thing, but you’ll come off looking like a rank amateur. Boner a petite!

About forsythkid

I am just a simple man with a head full of sand who is currently residing in a small town called Forsyth Missouri. I enjoy hiking, camping and all things related to gardening. I rec’d my degree from SIU majoring in Biology many moons ago and still maintain a great interest in the study of all living things. My hobbies include meteorology, the Finnish language and inhabiting cyberspace whenever possible.
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